We can't come back from this alone

Like many others, I shed tears yesterday.

On January 6th, 2021, I watched a historically scarring display as the stain of misinformation, enabled insurrection, and unacknowledged white privilege was smeared upon our nation’s capitol.

Today, I write in the hope of healing.

No matter how you cast your vote in 2020 - we are Americans, and we cannot come back from this alone.

We’ve suffered a generational wound of division as a country, and it will take good people with softened hearts to heal together (not separately) to come back from.

I have a MAGA friend.

In fact, I know and/or assume I have many.

That said, please bear with me as I share with you about one in particular.

My friend is brilliant. He’s well-educated, well-read, and well-respected by many (including yours truly). He consistently exercises, is a fast-rising and well sought after leader in tech, and he may or may not have a highly plant-based diet (need to confirm if that’s still a thing). He’s thoughtful, he’s caring, and he’s on the short list of individuals I’ve tried figuring out how to be with in person in spite of the pandemic. He’s not just a friend. He’s a great friend. And, I love this guy.

My friend voted for Trump in 2016.

I highly doubt he voted for Biden in 2020.

And… he doesn’t necessarily regret it.

Now, sometimes I “just can’t” with my friend. Some of the things that have been enabled by the administration he’s helped put in place just rip my heart open. If you’ve read my works “Racism won’t die in 2020”, “Receipts of Racism”, “There’s No Debate: Good People Aren’t Good Enough”, or “Good People, Standing By…” you probably understand why. To say there is and has been real room for division between us over the years is a candidate for understatement of the year.

But, we are not divided.

You see, my friend and I have a respect, empathy, and care for each other that is bigger than that. That is more healing than hurting. That is what I would claim to be…

American.

Part of this is rooted in the fact that I know my friend is thoughtful, and well-researched. We occasionally debate, as intellectuals do, about highly emotional topics like politics in America. But, we do it from a place of objectivity, above all else leaving emotions at the door.

Without going deep, I know my friend is not coming from a place of bad ethics, preservation of privilege, or twisted religion, but from a clearly formed opinion that tight labor markets, mercantilist trade policies, and strong stance for China is a win for everyone. He also believes that corporate power has degraded democracy, and that the policies he’s supported have been better for the American worker.

The important thing for me to underline here, though, is that whether I agree or not is not what matters. And no, whether he agrees with me or not is not what matters either. What’s relevant here, is that we can come together in debate and discussion based on thoughtfully formed arguments that come from a place of objectivity and a desire for a better America for both of us.

I love my friend. And I’ll go out on a limb to say he loves me too. We’re not tied by blood, or childhood friendship, or anything other than an appreciation for the other human. We haven’t even lived in the same state for the better part of a decade. We met in college, formed a bond, and have chosen to stay close (and continue to choose that).

It will take millions more friendships like ours to heal America.

One thing we can both agree on is that what happened in our nation’s capitol on January 6th 2021 was mind-blowing - in a horrible way. It was ugly, scarring, and represents a wound that will likely divide Americans for generations to come.

Unless we heal that wound together.

Yesterday, as I shed tears, my MAGA friend was one of the few people I got through the day with. We argued about a few things, and we agreed on some more fundamental things. Of those, we agreed that our friendship was truly rare, and I know I at least am beyond thankful for it.

My fellow Americans - I implore you all to sit in your grief, and come to terms with this moment. Come to terms with where we are now. Come to terms with how this feels. How life feels. How America feels.

And, call it out for what it is.

WRONG.

UNAMERICAN.

NOT. OUR. AMERICA.

I challenge you further to check yourself, and your own ability to fall back to objectivity. To fall back to a place of honestly wanting a better America for all.

Healing only will come when we can work together again, respectfully disagreeing on the smaller while finding hope and foundation in the greater.

Soften your hearts.

Reach from them to those with softened hearts on the other side.

Now, it is time to make America great again.

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